idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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