I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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