The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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