i just had sex bonerless
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
