You work out of a Hotel?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
