You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
