we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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