It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
