Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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