i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
did i just pee glitter
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
