its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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