I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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