you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize