i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
