You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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