He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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