you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
