So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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