so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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