I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
