I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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