Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
