I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
