Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
