yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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