dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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