Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
