After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
