so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
no you cant smoke seaweed
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
