wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
