she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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