I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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