She is in my trunk
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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