i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
