epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
