If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
