dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
