Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
