sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
