Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
