That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
