i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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