I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
