I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
