do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize