i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
