out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
