it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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