I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
