From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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