Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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