Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
