Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
