the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
