I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
