My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
