so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize