So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
As shirtless as possible
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
