I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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