Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize