Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
