how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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