Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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