i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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