matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
