Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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